


stars on a stranger axis

by bluejaytales



Category: Superman - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character, horror fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22451794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejaytales/pseuds/bluejaytales
Summary: It's everything Lex had ever wanted. The sun rose in the west, and there was no Superman.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lex Luthor
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	stars on a stranger axis

Superman didn’t exist, had never existed. Because, you see, Lex had never wanted to kill Superman. Nothing so grotesque and bloody and horrifying. It simply had been a way to make Superman not exist.

In this world, Superman didn’t exist. In this world that was better than anything the Void Child or the Tear of Extinction could grant. Superman didn’t exist, and Lex had everything he wanted. Everything he’d ever wanted.

Sunbeams crept across the wooden farmhouse floors. A breeze ruffled the red checked curtains above the kitchen sink. Lex was in a soft purple robe. Peacefully alone at the kitchen table and absorbed in an article on genetics. Lois Lane had won multiple Pulitzers, which seemed like a funny thing to keep absent almost everything else.

There was a thud upstairs-- Lex startled for a moment, then looked up, listening. With no further noise, Lex sipped at his coffee and kept reading. 

The scene was perfect. The only hiccup was that the coffee was oddly sour.

Clark came downstairs, looking scraggly and exhausted in red boxers and tee. He yawned and scratched his head. It was absolutely adorable and Lex smiled at his husband. The expression was bubbly and unrestrained. 

This was a Lex who’d been saved from most of the traumas he’d been dealt, able to struggle for the heights and celebrate once he reached the top. And what a celebration it was, his best friend had proposed to him.

“That’s not what that means.” Clark shook his head as he made his own cup of coffee.

“Was I mumbling again?” Lex smiled and folded the paper. Clark nodded. “How do you even know?”

“Everyone wrote a paper on Sisyphus in college, Lex. Especially with as many writing classes as I took.” He sat himself down at the table. “Your hair--” Clark looked at him like he’d never seen him before. But also like he was the most precious thing in the universe. It was strange, more uncomfortable than flattering. Clark reached a hand out to touch it and Lex chuckled, leaning into the warmth. Trying to chase the odd feeling away. Clark salved the discomfort: “It’s so pretty in the sunrise.”

Red curls spilled down Lex’s back, a bright mar against a dark wool robe. He'd not suffered as many of the horrors of Lionel's abuse, so he hadn't shaved it off as a teen.

sat in silence watching the sunrise through the bay window facing the west field. Clark ran his fingers through Lex’s hair, lazily combing it.

“You could braid my hair before I head to the lab.” Lex offered.

It was a casual offer, a routine by now. But Clark looked like it was suddenly the greatest idea ever. “Yeah.”

They settled into the couch, sunrise reflecting off of their coffee mugs.

Clark’s hands were warm and soft. How gentle the superhuman alien was when twining the hair on his lover’s scalp. “I thought you didn’t know how to french braid?”

“What?” The fingers froze, accidentally wrenching at his scalp. Lex yelped and Clark opened his hands and all but slid away from Lex. “Oh my god, are you okay?”

Lex nodded, hissing slightly. He reached up to feel at it-- there was blood, something puncturing his scalp. He pulled it out, a thorn. Like one from a rosebush.

Lex stared at it for a few moments before flicking it into a trash can near the couch. “I had a thorn tangled in my hair from when we were gardening, I think you just poked at it.”

Clark gathered him close, kissing at his scalp. “Do you want me to braid your hair still?” There was regret in Clark’s eyes.

There was something off, but Lex forced himself to ignore it. To let himself have this moment. This perfect moment. “Yeah.”

“I learned how to french braid by looking it up. Last time you asked me, I wanted to learn how for you.”

"Every morning I wonder how I ended up with someone like you." Lex smiled, relaxing again. Clark’s fingers moved down, brushing against his spine every so often. “So, after I get back from the lab, you’ll be free, right?”

“Yeah, we’re going to the observatory.” Clark smiled. “That’ll be nice.”

Lex batted Clark’s hands away, holding his hair in place while he turned around. “We’re not going to the observatory. We’re going to fly around. Remember? We're going to go stargazing.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course, Lex.” He sighed softly, an honest smile. “That sounds great, just flying around with you.”

Lex stared at him. “Clark, should I stay home today?” He slipped the half-braided hair into a ponytail and went to grab a thermometer and put it in Clark’s mouth. 

Clark looked confused but happily let Lex play worried husband for a bit. He leaned in for a kiss as soon as the thermometer was done. 

“Stop, you might be sick.” Lex whined, leaning in for a kiss on the cheek anyway. “You are. 100 degrees. That’s cold for you.” Grey eyes met green, a return kiss pressed to Clark’s forehead.

“Your lips are warm.” Clark commented, in that same confused-but-elated voice he’d had all morning. “We should just stay like this. I’ll feel better soon.” He wrapped his arms around Lex. Clung to him like something vital he needed to protect.

“Are you sure?” Lex cupped Clark’s cheek. Touch had become a whole open and vulnerable love language for Lex now that all the past and future traumas were erased.

Clark nodded, and they sat together a few moments longer. Sunbeams grew longer, illuminating their faces in golden rays. Clark kept sculpting Lex’s hair carefully, brushing strands away and sorting them neatly. “Are you happy?”

“Of course I’m happy. Why?”

“It helps me feel less sick. To know that you’re happy.” He slowed, fingers brushing at the same section over and over. “I wish your hair was longer.”

“Any longer and I’ll be Rapunzel.”

“How do you get all this under a hairnet?”

“For the cleanroom at the lab? Oh, have you not seen the hair and beard nets all the other hipster college students have? I should bring one home to show you. It’s a hairnet with a little hole for your eyes.” He laughed. “I know I took selfies when I first got the job.” He looked through his phone as Clark finished up. “Tessa just dared me to shave my head and donate it if this new experiment works out.” He grinned and Clark looked-- well, Clark looked  _ horrified _ , sheet white. “I didn’t say I would. I worked too hard for this hair. Not that your input even matters.” He sighed and stood up, camel’s back finally snapping. Deep breaths, isn’t that what Dr. Clayton had told him? Don’t take it out on Clark, that’s not healthy. Lex wanted this relationship to work, so he was trying very hard.

“Of course you can do whatever you want, Lex.” Clark sounded very small and broken. “I just-- I don’t know. I think you’re right, I’m not feeling well.” He put his face in his hands. “We could just have a day inside.”

They lay down in bed, curtains half drawn against the now afternoon sun. Lex’s arms were folded on Clark’s chest as he lay on him, their legs absently tangled together. Intimate but not sexual, Clark continued to play the sick card despite Lex's efforts. But he didn’t object to the near-nakedness or Lex sprawling out on top of him. In fact, Clark kept running his hands over every part of Lex he could reach. Down Lex’s spine and over his shoulders and hips, skittering backwards before reaching the waistline of Lex’s boxers. It was relaxing, Lex all but melting into Clark's skin. Two becoming one, tangled between old sheets and handsewn quilts.

He pushed a little and Lex sat up, straddling Clark’s chest. Clark took a deep breath. “Lex.” He ran his thumbs over the twin scars on Lex’s chest, breath catching in his chest. A soft and small chest, not the large breasts he'd dreaded after puberty. Now it was something different, a mix of feminine and masculine.

“You're so beautiful.” He shook his head and leaned up to kiss the scars softly. “You know I love you, right?” Clark looked up, holding himself close, clinging to Lex with bruising fingers. “God, I love you so much.” He looked up at Lex with an ache that Lex hadn’t seen before. “How do I keep you and do the right thing?”

He sounded so sad. “Shh. You’re babbling, let me get you a warm rag for your chill.” Lex moved to leave and Clark held tight.

“Lex, there are so many things that I want to do and say but it’s getting late. Look at how dim the sun is.”

“The curtains are just drawn, dear. You’re hurting me.” Clark’s grip slackened and Lex untangled himself from his husband. Clark had never hurt him before. 

"Oh my god, honey. Are you okay?" Clark gently ran his hand over the red marks his hands had made. "I-- I'm sorry."

“It's okay. You’re sick. It's nothing that won't heal. Let’s just sleep. I’ll make you tea.”

Clark kissed Lex's side, the handprints already fading.

Lex slipped the robe back on, walking to the kitchen. As the water heated up he started looking in the tea cabinet. There were boxes and bags of loose leaf tea and small cans of various sizes-- different brands, all the same type of tea. The only type of tea they drank.

He grabbed one of the smaller containers, the version of it that Clark liked best. Funny, as they were all the same plant. Inky black with rose petals. It smelled like apple pie. It tasted like ambrosiac bile.

It made everything better. It always did.

He brought it back to Clark, who was lounging on the pillows with the curtains slightly more open, sunbeams falling on tan skin. God, how had Lex ever gotten so lucky, he was breathtaking.

His fingers traced Clark’s shoulder and chest as he handed Clark the mug. Clark shivered and bit his lip at the touch, a blush flaring. 

"The tea has to steep for five minutes." Lex set a timer on his phone. "And then five to cool off if we don't want to burn ourselves."

Then he laid down next to his husband, leaning back on the pillows. Now was his turn to trace fingers on skin, memorizing all the little freckles and moles Clark had. There was a little constellation of freckles below his left ear, and Lex kissed it. Clark's eyes fluttered and he made a soft, contented noise. Lex kept going, slowly kissing down Clark's neck to his shoulder.

There was a rose petal floating in the murk. Clark lifted the cup to his lips, a smile as he was about to sip. Then he set it back down, that sad and guilty look again.

"It's not done steeping yet. It won't taste good unless you wait." Lex looked up at him. Wreathed in sunlight, his beloved from another world. He'd cried to the stars for salvation so many times. Clark, with stardust in his veins and a heart of love and kindness, had fallen from the sky into Lex's lonely, waiting arms.

Clark was silent, the timer still clicking away. “What if I just left you here? You’re so happy. You deserve to be happy, don’t you? Do you want to stay here?"

“Stay in bed? Of course, you're sick. We can fly later. That won't make me unhappy." Lex kissed him again and again, his nose and forehead and cheeks.

Clark giggled, it was the cutest sound. It was a soft alien snort.

Lex laughed with him. 

Birds called, somewhere in the distance. Sunlight glittered on the worn mattress. The timer ticked away.

"This isn't real. It can't last forever." Clark spoke. His voice was a slow and weary contrast to the ticking.

Lex shook his head. "It's real. I can feel the sunlight. I can smell the coffee on your breath. I can feel your skin and the quilt. It's perfect."

"It feels real. I know it does. I've been through this paradise before. But it'll end eventually."

"Just wait for the tea to be done, love. You'll feel better."

Lex curled against him, pressing close. Clark was warm. “Can I kiss you?”

“Of course you can, darling.” He scooted up. Clark wrapped careful hands around him. The embrace was gentle and soft. A hand on his cheek, Clark’s kiss was more hesitant than usual and deeper than he’d expected. Clark always managed to pour all of his love and need into one singular kiss. This was still passionate but almost desperate. Maybe it was just the timer going off.

The timer went off. Clark sipped at the tea, spitting it out quickly. He looked a mix of horrified and disgusted. "What is this? It tastes like syrup."

"Rose tea. This one is from the garden." Lex frowned, tasting from his own cup. It was sweet, but not too sweet. "I don't taste it."

The teacup was an inky void, dark molasses reflecting Lex's face. The reflection blinked, snarled at him. He set it down quickly, trying not to think about it. Sank back onto Clark's chest. "I could make another one."

"No. Stay here. Don't leave my side again." Clark coughed, a bloody splatter of rose petals in his palm. Lex jumped up to get a towel from the bathroom, rushing back in with a warm rag for Clark's cold, another for his hand and mouth. "Look, it's already sunset. We slept the day away."

"You're sick, you needed the rest. But if you're bleeding we should go to the hospital, right?"

Clark smiled, showing his hand. It was clean. "It's already almost over. Turn the lights off, we'll sleep again."

Lex was suddenly very afraid of the dark. The shadows from the curtains were growing longer, the golden sun turning pale. Clark had just coughed up blood but was acting like it was nothing.

Clark's hand on his face calmed his mind. "Sleep with me. We'll share a dream. I'll feel better soon."

Dreaming sounded perfect. Lex slowly nodded, turning the lamp off and shutting the curtains tight. It was a dim grey now. Lex spooned against Clark, anchored by warm arms. "Feel better, honey."

Clark squeezed softly, kissing the back of his head. "I will. Rest now."

Lex took a deep breath, closed his eyes. There was only blackness, a dark void. A teacup blinked at him, an eye staring out from the bowl. He was still on his side but there wasn't anyone holding him. It was warm but it was  _ too _ warm.

_ Lex, wake up. Please. _

"Dad! Pa!" The sound of a backpack and laundry basket hitting the floor drifted into the bedroom. Lex groaned softly and nudged Clark awake. The blood was gone. Just a dream.

"I'll be out in a minute." Clark muttered, eyes still closed.

"It's okay. He'll be here all weekend." Lex kissed his cheek then called through the door. "We'll be out in a minute."

"Oh my god. Take your time." Conner groaned from the entryway.

Lex pulled a sweater and slacks on and padded into the kitchen to see his son rooting through the fridge. "Dad's sick, I'm just helping him."

"Is he okay?" He looked so much like Clark, except for Lex's eyes. Conner went to twist the cap off the soda and Lex passed him a glass as he settled against the counter.

"I think so. I think I dreamt part of it. I need to talk to Dr. Parson."

"Are  _ you _ okay?" Conner had that look again, when Lex had first had an episode. Concern and fear and guilt.

It had been alright, though. His family had gotten him the help he needed. He was on medication and therapy. Things were good. He had help, and Clark was there on his bad days.

Conner poured him a soda as well. The bubbles were eyes blinking at him and he tried to ignore it.

Conner leaned against the counter opposite him. "Are you going to--"

Lex licked his lips, nodding. "Withdrawal headaches and the rest? Yeah."

"Do I need to come home for--"

"No. You need to focus on school. I'll be fine. We've been doing this dance for years, remember? I don't think I'll have as bad a reaction though, now that they know it's bipolar."

Conner nodded, looking a little lost and Lex wrapped him in a hug. Hard when Conner was nearly a foot taller, but it was still reassuring. "I didn't mean to worry you as soon as you got home. Tell me about archeology."

"It's okay, Dad. I know you'll be okay." He paused. "Berger is coming to give a speech but my physical anthropology teacher hates him and keeps ranting. Something about a rockstar scientist. It's funny the things scientists get hung up on."

"Right. We have some of those in genetics. Are you going to go see him?"

Conner shrugged. "It'll be available online later and I've got a date that night."

"You haven't mentioned this date." A mischievous smirk. "Who's the next addition to the Kent family?"

Conner sighed, smiling at his dad. "That guy in my OChem class, Tim. He's perfect. The science museum has an after-hours adults only. They're talking about the science of brewing beer."

"The science of what?" Clark was dressed now, blue plaid and jeans. His hair was still a mess. Lex smoothed it down as Clark leaned down to kiss him.

"Brewing beer." Conner repeated. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Just a fever. I'll go to the Fortress but I'm sure it's nothing."

"Can I come with you?" Conner smiled and bounced gently on the balls of his feet. Lex watched from behind his soda, realising that excitement was his own, not Clark's. Maybe he had passed on more than just stubborn intelligence. He had been a good father, hadn't he?

"Of course. We won't be there long but we can make a trip of it over winter break."

"That sounds great." Conner paused, thinking. "But uh, yeah! We're going to the museum after-hours. I have a date with the guy from OChem. His name's Tim, he's a forensic science major. He's taking the physical anthropology class right after mine too."

"That's great." Clark smiled, sitting at the table, a soda suddenly in his hand. Maybe he'd gotten it when Lex wasn't looking. "How's class?"

"Good. Long but now that my cores are done it's mostly history classes."

"Do you need anything?" Lex asked.

"No, I'm good." Conner shrugged before heading to the cellar. "I'm going to put my laundry in. Can we go after?"

"Of course."

Lex sat with Clark, resting his chin on his fist and staring at the wall thoughtfully.

Clark beamed at him. "I love watching you puzzle things out. Marrying a nerd was the best decision I've made."

Lex chuckled, taking the compliment with grace instead of adamant refusal. "I did the impossible and no one will ever know. But he's also just a good kid. He's my son. That's incredibly important too."

"Yeah. You're amazing. And we both did a good job raising him."

"Speaking of. When you're done taking our son to the strangest doctor's office in this galaxy, you  _ do _ owe me another weekend trip to the Fortress soon. I'm not done reading those medical archives."

"After I'm feeling better. Next weekend. But when we go, I want to see you in Kryptonian clothes at least once. I kind of want a family photo if we could. Kara too."

"I'd be honored to wear Kryptonian robes."

Conner came back up the stairs. "Are you coming too?"

"Not tonight. Next weekend."

"Yes. Get some ginger ale & eggs on the way back?"

"Of course, sweetie." Clark pulled him close and kissed his head for a second.

"Feel better, Dad! Text me if you need me."

"I will." Lex smiled, following them to the door and locking it. Then he curled up on the couch with the Journal of Human Genetics again.

Pick up groceries on the way home from your visit to the last remnant of Krypton. The nerd had married the most interesting being alive and no one knew. But they would soon, he could feel it. His family would shine in the sun.

The journal was garbled. He tried again, scanning the paper carefully. None of the letters made sense. He checked the newspaper as well. Tried to think back to what article he'd read. He couldn't remember. The clock on his phone was a blur, numbers moving too fast to be read.

This place was supposed to be perfect. Shaking it off, he picked up a knitting basket. He was making a scarf with Kryptonian symbols hidden inside the swirls. These still made sense at least. He could read that.

In the silence of the house something called for him. It was a whisper like rustling paper. Like a door trying to open, a key jammed in a rusted lock. It scraped inside his mind.

Lex put the knitting away and walked to the bedroom. He stood in the door for a moment, hall light spilling into the room. A golden triangle against the void of black.

Tea dripped onto the floor, the teacup overturned and still emptying out.

There was no light source illuminating him, but Clark was there. He looked like he had that morning. Boxers and tee, confused but glad to be here. He reached a hand out. "Lex. Come with me."

"You're at the Fortress. How are you here?”

"Please, it's almost too late. You have to open your eyes." He was making even less sense than earlier.

Rose petals floated around them, glowing in the inky darkness.

"You can't leave me alone here."

Clark curled up on the bed, patting it. "Stay with me. Lay down with me and sleep."

Lex lay down, Clark curling up with him. "I can't move my arms love. Hold my waist instead."

"Need to keep you safe." He muttered, keeping his arm in the same place. Holding Lex close to his chest.

Lex woke up to Clark's hand on his neck. Not constrictive, just upsetting. Clark wouldn't do this, especially not in his sleep. It was too dangerous.

He pulled the hand away, feeling the thorns wrapped around his throat, a phantom scrape of thorns across his fingertips.

"Something's wrong. This isn't real. Clark. I don't know what's going on."

Clark smiled at him, propping himself up to lean over Lex.he kissed him, deep and slow. It was familiar. The same perfect kiss as always. It shouldn’t be familiar, should it? It hadn’t felt familiar earlier.

A wind swept the rose petals away.

He heard Clark calling for him. No, he was still here, circled in Clark’s arms. The sound was from somewhere outside.

“Lex, what did you do?” It was Clark, the one holding him tight. His eyes flashed red. "You ruined everything."

Lex's heart raced as he wrestled his way out of those arms. "You're not Clark. Something's wrong."

This was a dream.

He had to wake up.

Memories slammed into him. Reality rewriting the fantasy into a mere dream. Wandering from a pale grey morality to darker and more nefarious schemes. From killing his wretched father to temporarily killing his lover-- no, not his lover. Superman. It would have been easier, more ethical to let the flower have it's way with him. To satisfy him with false hopes until he died as fertilizer.

But he'd given himself a second chance. The ruthless and terrible Luthor had clawed his way back from black mercy’s grip.

He opened his eyes, trying to push himself up. The flower withered and died, a weight off his chest. There was concrete scraping at his bald head, cutting his cheek. Vines tangled in the metal of his warsuit and around his neck.

Warm hands steadied him and helped him to his feet, unwrapping the stranglehold on his neck.

"Thank you, darling. I don't know what happened." He put his hand over his lover's in appreciation.

He saw the crest first, a violent reminder that Superman still existed. The rest of the world faded into awareness. This was Superman. They'd been fighting. Rubble all around. Lex's black mercy specimen had been released in the remnants of his laboratory.

It had all been a dream.

"Lex." In his dream, he'd heard that same wary yet elated voice. Soft and gentle, followed by a careful hand on his chin. Tilting his head up, drawing his gaze to Superman's.

Lex laughed. It was bitter and unsteady. Quickly, messily rebuilding those walls that held him steady and stable. He stood upright, leaned away from the touch. "I'm sure you're disappointed that I freed myself." He flexed his gloved hand, looking at the mechanics pried open by the vines. Superman was bleeding, a bruise on his cheek. A dent in Lex's gauntlet that matched the shape. Superman's hand closed over his. It felt familiar, memories blurring together. 

"How are you feeling?"

He could feel the phantom warmth despite the layers of metal and fabric.

Lex closed his eyes, yanking his hand away.  _ Darling _ . Hopefully the alien hadn't heard that.

"Ready for round two if you don't leave me the hell alone."

"I stood here for an hour waiting for you to wake up. I'm not leaving."

"Hoping I wouldn't."

"No." Superman set his jaw, looking hurt. "You started crying at the end. I did too. It feels so real. Then it's all gone. I didn't want you to wake up alone."

Lex scowled, unleashing his fury. A fist beat against the crest. "You have no idea what I saw. What I lost." He stepped back. Every muscle was poised to strike, one wrong word away from killing the man he loved so much.

But it wouldn't work out here. In this imperfect world. It couldn't. He buried those feelings back down. The same dark corners they'd been before this damn plant knocked them loose.

"You have two minutes, Superman." He fiddled with the right gauntlet and it powered up. Good. Something to back up the threat.

Superman froze, a mouse hoping a cobra won't bite. He spoke confidently but hesitantly. "When I was under, I saw Krypton. It hadn't exploded. I was raised there. I had a family. I had grandparents, I had children that grew up on their home planet. Then I woke up. I was so angry. I've  _ never _ been so angry. I wanted to kill Mogul, for doing it to me. I wanted to torture him. The loss it-- it  _ breaks _ you. That's why I waited. I didn't want you to wake up alone." 

Superman took a step back, arms spread in surrender. "I'm sure it was about me somehow. You can let it out. Attack me. Scream at me. Whatever you need to. I won't do anything."

Lex blinked, regarding the offer. He brushed the last of the vines free. Stepped forward, Superman standing perfectly still. Toe to toe, Lex wrapped a hand around the back of Superman's neck and pulled him down to meet his face. To look him in the eyes.

Even with the swollen right eye, Superman looked so damn noble. So concerned for his mortal enemy.

Lex remembered, wanted it again. That feeling of love, the warmth of Clark's lips. He swallowed, moving forward to see if Superman would let him.

Clark did, concern melting into surprise and joy. His mouth opened just a little, warm breath on Lex's cheeks.

Nerves and the sheer ridiculousness of it had him pull away at the last second. He rested their foreheads together instead. A pained and silent moment passed before Lex laughed. It was all so ridiculous. "You'd hate me if you knew."

"I won't." A lie, Lex knew it was a lie. "Just tell me."

"We watched the sunset. You braided my hair. It was uneventful. Almost boring." He leaned back and hid his face in embarrassment. "I could have had anything in the world. Money and power and control of the whole damn galaxy. But it was you, apparently. Not Superman. You. Clark." Lex looked up. He needed to see the emotions blossoming on Clark's face. 

Superman looked elated, horrified. About to interrupt him to ask questions. 

A armored hand held up to stop him. A breath, Lex's words rushing out in a panic. "And yes I know, I  _ have _ known, Clark. That's a conversation for later because I need to say this  _ now _ or I'll lock it away forever. In my perfect world, we were married. We were disgustingly in love. You'd never become Superman. It was uneventful and dull and terribly boring. But I'd never been happier."

Superman was silent. The concrete rang in his ears. Water dripped somewhere in the rubble. A heartbeat in Lex's ears completed the symphony.

"Lex. That's everything I've ever wanted."

Lex startled, tripping backwards a few steps. "You--" He couldn't breathe. It had been easy to accept in the other world. Every detail had been perfect and in his control. Here, Superman loved him. Superman wanted the small love, the mundane domesticity. Lex wanted to deny it. To push back and remind Clark of how broken he was. He wanted to rush forward and kiss him, fold himself into those warm arms. Instead he felt himself shutdown, everything was so off kilter at once.

"Lex, are you okay--"

"I'm fine." He squeaked out. He doubled over, steadying himself on a chunk of rebar. "I don't know what to do."

"Can I kiss you?"

Lex licked his lips. He-- wait, this was too fast. It was too much. "I-- I think if you did right now I'd fall apart."

"Okay. That's okay." Clark relaxed, shoulders relaxing from Superman to Lex's friend. He closed the gap again. Lex just stood there, dumbfounded but smiling at everything happening. "Can I?" Clark lifted a hand and Lex nodded. Warmth on his cheek, Clark cradling his face. He inhaled, as if breathing Lex in. Savoring the moment. 

Lex's heart was racing.

The dam burst. Lex clung to Clark's stupid Superman cape and sobbed. Clark's arms held Lex's very soul together as it ripped and re-mended. "You love me? You-- you want to kiss me? You don't hate me for-- for wanting you?"

"Do you want all of me? You can't fight Superman anymore."

"No. Yes. I'll figure it out. Please. You said you wanted this, you can't--" He was a sobbing mess, hyperventilating, red faced, and venerable. Old abandonment issues coming to the fore. He'd been through so much. He'd been hurt so many times.

Clark wiped Lex's eye. "Shh. Breathe. I love you. I love you." He waited until Lex's breaths grew more even. "I do want this. I want us. But you have to-- you can't call me your mortal enemy and love me at the same time. Superman is how I help people. Superman is part of me, all of me."

"I-- I'll figure it out. Give me a few days, I'll give you an answer." He looked up at Clark. "Can I kiss you?"

Clark nodded and leaned forward. Their lips met and Lex dug his fingers into Clark's curls. Angry and needy, pulling every breath of love from Clark's lungs. He'd wanted it for so long and now it was real. It was his and he didn't want to give it up.

Clark put a hand on Lex's jaw, tilting his chin and softening the kiss. Control gave way to caring and slow exploration. Clark's mouth was as soft as he'd hoped, as warm as he'd imagined. 

As Clark pulled away, Lex trailed after. He was dazed, lips pink and half open. God, that kiss had left everything inside him in knots in the happiest way.

Clark looked ruffled. Superman's perfect hair akew. A red flush on his cheeks, tounge slipping out to lick his lips. The cape was bunched up around his shoulders where Lex had clung to him. 

"That was nice." Lex breathed with a dazed smile on his face. Then he realized what he'd said and hid his face again. "Oh my god."

It had been more than  _ nice _ . It had been healing, reassuring. Loving. Almost everything he'd ever wanted.

"It was nice." Clark cradled Lex's face again. "It… can be nicer later if you want." A blush of his own, Superman's ears turning tomato red.

"That sounds nice." Lex smiled, nose scrunching and eyes wrinkling up. "I can't believe this is-- that I have the chance to love you."

"But you have to love all of me." Clark gently reminded him. A soft hand brushed over Lex's scalp. He tilted his head, listening. A frown on his face. "I have to go. A satellite got hit with--"

Lex nodded, a hand on Superman's cheek. "I'll be at the penthouse tonight."

Waiting for Superman to finish saving the world involved a lot of pacing, checking his phone. It was the first time he regretted getting ahead on his paperwork. Television was boring as he didn't have time to stay up to date on any shows. God, he needed more friends. 

By now he'd be drunk, unpacking trauma after trauma in hopes constantly reliving it would heal him somehow. But he needed this to work, so he had to be sober when Superman showed up to talk. 

He ended up writing, pen and paper. Words scribbled out over and over. Was it a love letter? A breakup speech? Simply putting his thoughts on paper. He'd burn it. No one would see.

A small mountain of paper balls built up.

_ I don't know if this is the right choice. I have too much anger in my soul. And I've directed it at you for so long. I think letting it go would kill me. So, you see, I can't let myself have this. Better to stop before it begins. It'll save us both the pain. I know I'll fail you anyway. Even as children I had a different morality than you. I'll fall out of your grace again. We'll level a city as a marital spat. _

_ So, you see my love, we'll save the world some pain. I'll call a truce but we can't even risk being friends. _

_ The answer is for both of us to forget the other exists. _

_ Or maybe. _

Lex lifted the pen from the page. Maybe what?

Or maybe I could accept Superman. Even if he's dangerous, even if he was stealing Lex's attention. Even if he was a liar.

Maybe Clark was worth it. But of course he would fail. Maybe Clark would understand.

He'd be opening himself up to his greatest enemy. What if this was a trick and Superman was manipulating him? What if it wasn't and he suddenly had everything he'd ever wanted.

But he'd been different. In the other world. No, in the dream. He was a good person. He'd been saved from most of his trauma. He hadn't had anything to regret or hurt others over.

_ Or maybe, if you'll accept my flaws-- if you'll accept that I'm going to fail-- we can start slowly. _

He put it in the wastebasket, dropping a match and letting fire purify his venerability. No one would read what he'd written. 

Eventually the nerves and lack of routine alcohol made him nauseous and he laid down in bed. Burrowing under the covers, the silken sheets felt frozen. It was too cold even with a millionaires heating bill. It was empty.

It had always been empty. Why was now different? It was just Superman. How had a single kiss taken all of his calculated logic and common sense?

He cradled the pillow, stuffing another one at his back. Nesting in the softness helped a bit. It was still cold but the room felt less vast and isolating.

There was an incessant buzzing, pulling him from a dream. God, why was Mercy calling him at 4:37 am? "Luthor." He sat up, memories and dreams and fantasy all blurring together. Fingers brushed his lips, testing if the phantom warmth had been real.

"Mr. Kent is here to see you."

Lex smiled. "Send him up. Tell him…" A yawn. "Tell him I'm going back to bed but he's more than welcome to stay the night."

"Alright, sir." Mercy hung up and Lex sank back down on the pillows, eyes fluttering shut for a few moments. 

There was a door shutting, then his bedroom door. Nervous pacing for a moment, clothes rustling. Then there was warm skin pressed against every inch of him. Warm arms pulled him close to Clark's chest. "Sweet dreams." A kiss to the back of his head as Lex drifted back to sleep.

Superman had long red hair, a braid pinned into a bun. He crashed through the skyscraper window, grateful for the blue and red armor shielding him from raining glass. He waded through a sea of roses, briars scraping at the paint.

A sphere was ticking, numbers counting down.

He’d stop the bomb. Of course he’d stop the bomb, he was Superman. Technology triumphed over human weakness. The computer in the suit was already working on disarming it. It was easy. Saved hundreds of lives with a simple virus. The metal sphere stopped beeping and he disconnected his suit’s interfaceThe red countdown had stopped. But then it blurred, numbers clicking back and forth at an impossible speed. The readout on his suit was hazy, unreadable.

But the bomb was defused. That’s what mattered. Lex staggered to his feet, tasting something like lemon mixed with limestone.

He’d saved the city. He was a hero. Everyone loved him. That’s all that mattered.

Something moved in the briars, ripping and tearing himself free. Clark stood up from under the briars. He was in the outfit he'd been in the last two times, apparently Lex's default state in his dreams.

Clark looked down at himself. "Can you put me in something more-- uh, something that's not my pajamas?" He blushed, taking a breath as his usual reporter's clothes started knitting themselves around him. 

Clark looked around, stopping on Lex's suit. "This is what you want, isn't it? You want to be Superman."

Lex closed his eyes, the armor fading and shifting into the uniform Clark wore as Superman. His cape fluttered in an impossible breeze. "Yes."

Clark stepped forward."Is it okay that I'm here?"

"I suppose it depends on how you ended up in my dream."

Clark looked away, eyes darting around again. "Kryptonians are psychic."

"So you just pop into anyone's dream when you want."

"I-- no. It's hard to explain."

The world shifted, Lex's memory of the farmhouse. The couch, the kitchen table, the window now facing east. Lex sat at the couch, sprawling out. His red hair and cape draped around his shoulders and left arm, looking regal and commanding like his namesake.

"I have time."

"We've spent so much time together, even when we were fighting. It's different for us. For Lana too. Pretty much everyone in Smallville. Kara said it was part of building stronger friendships back on Krypton."

"'Friendships', right. And so you decided to demonstrate this intrusive ability now."

"I'll leave if you don't want me here. You're practically thrashing around in bed so I wanted to make sure it wasn't a nightmare."

"No. It certainly wasn't a nightmare. This is interesting." A cup of tea appeared in Lex's hand, another in Clark's. "This afternoon, when I was trapped. Did you try breaking in? My… my Clark, he acted so strange."

"Uh. Yeah, I figured if it saved your life it was okay."

"I didn't know the Good Samaritan law covered psychic powers." A bitter laugh. "How much did you see?"

Clark sat on the couch, keeping distance between them. "I wasn't able to do much. I was there at first. Then you-- or maybe it was the plant-- pushed me out."

"You saw my scars. You said I was beautiful. But I didn't have the same ones I do now."

Clark blushed, squirming in his seat slightly. "I know. You were soft and strong and… absolutely beautiful. You were the you that you want to be."

"That's a lot of 'yous'."

"Award winning journalist." Clark laughed, raising his teacup. "But you know what I mean."

"You're one of an incredibly privileged few." Lex's lips curled, fingers combing through his hair. "Of course, dream world's don't need to adhere to the limitations of current science."

"I thought there was surgery to--"

Lex shook his head. "Not for what I want. To put it simply, I want both, and I want them to be functional."

"Oh." Clark blushed, obviously picturing it. "I thought you were--"

"That was Smallville in the 80s. I don't realize there were more options than simply boy and girl."

"Are you going to fix your top surgery soon?"

"Probably. I don't know how much it matters now. If I do it now, it would mean coming out. That's terrible for business."

"It's not Smallville in the 80s."

"Oh, I know. We have a flag now, it's quite beautiful. There's even non-binary flags. Things are moving quite rapidly. It's wonderful. But it's… not for me. I'd hardly be accepted in the community. Not after everything I've done. I'd only make myself a pariah from both communities that I need to survive."

"Okay. It's your choice. But I'll support you if you decide to."

"It's a moot point. I appreciate it though. Now, why are you really here?"

"You were twitching in your sleep. I remember afterwards, the black mercy venom lingered around. Even for me, it took a few days. I started speaking Kryptonian out of habit. I would panic and search for a daughter that had never existed. I wanted to see if I could help you through it."

Clark leaned over, putting heaps of sugar in his tea. Martha always chided him. It'd be almost a sugar slurry if Martha didn't stop him.

Lex nodded at his cup. "You said it was too sweet."

"Hm?"

"Back there. You didn't like the tea I made. I made it how you've always wanted it. But you hated it."

Clark shrugged. "You didn't make any tea. Not that I remember."

"Ah. So that was…"

"Yeah."

Lex stared up at the ceiling and sighed. "I wasn't myself either. I've done so much wrong here. In… it feels wrong calling it the real world. But I suppose it is."

"It's who you wanted to be. It's who you could be."

Lex laughed. "Right. Who would dare give Luthor therapy? Who would care about me enough that I could trust them giving me medication? I hardly trust my dealer."

Clark made an incredibly unhappy noise in his throat. "Your  _ what _ ?"

"I'm rich, utterly insane and alone at the top. You can't expect me to  _ only _ be an alcoholic."

"Lex…"

"I function just fine. What does it matter? Who cares if Luthor self destructs."

"The League has a program to--"

"I always wondered about that. The amount of painkillers heroism must take."

" _ Stop _ . If I talked to them, they'd help. But you'd have to actually try to be better."

"What? I join the League and this is some fairytale ending for Clark Kent?"

Clark looked like he'd been slapped in the face by something that could actually hurt him. "I told you, it's everything I ever wanted."

"You want Krypton."

"I mean besides that. Things that are attainable."

"See, that's why I'm nervous." He rolled his eyes, sighing at himself.  _ Nervous _ , such a weak word. "You're going to leave the second I step out of line. I'll try to win you back and, if the established pattern holds, probably harm countless people. It's better to not start at all."

"I…" Clark stared at his empty teacup. "Thank you for being honest."

"I'm always more honest in my dreams. It's the only place I can be." He settled further in the seat, a couch like a perpetulent emperor's throne.

"I'm not going to leave you. I can promise you that much. I want to help you, and I know it'll be a long and stumbling road. But it's a longer road if you try it alone."

Lex put his chin on his fist, thinking. "Alright." He stood up straighter. "We'll do this. Where do you want us to end up?"

"I… I've wanted to marry you since we were rooming at MetU. Something about living with you, even just in a cinderblock dorm room, it felt right. But I know we need to take this slow, even though we've known each other forever."

"Look like you're being honest too." Lex stood, walking over to put a finger under Clark's chin, tilting it up to look at Lex.

"You are. It's only fair I do the same."

Lex contemplated that for a few moments. "I don't know where I want this to go. I know I've wanted to kiss you, wanted to f-- to, I don't know the kinder world for it. Devour you and watch you fall apart in joy." Clark shivered at that and Lex continued. "But more than that. I want the fantastic and the mundane from you. Flying. Drinking coffee. Sitting in bed dreading going through work. Watching the sunrise and the earthrise."

Clark's expression was blank, a living error screen. "If you want the moon, I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down."

"I've always been one for the classics." A pause."Would Wonder Woman's lasso work, I wonder?

"That's a lot of 'wonders'" Clark echoed. Then he smiled, pulling Lex down to curl in his lap. "It's not long enough but if it was, I'm sure it could."

"Hm. Lets not test it. The results would be catastrophic. Interesting but catastrophic." Clark had started gently rubbing his scalp, other hand playing in the hair at his shoulders.

"We could always have Batman or Green Lantern run a simulation."

"That I would like to see."

"Alright. I'll ask them later." A pause, the scratches growing closer and deeper. Lex was practically purring now. Clark laughed. "See, this can work."

Lex nodded, half asleep from the massage. "Only if you do this in the real world."

"Cuddle you and massage your head? Of course."

They simply sat in silence, nothing left to say for now. Clark kept playing with his hair and Lex drifted off.

Lex opened his eyes, blinking in the light from the floor to ceiling windows. It normally helped him wake up in time to kick that evening's paramor out before he got trapped in pillow talk. Here, it was just annoying. It had stopped the dream too early, even if all they were doing was sitting in silence.

But, as he turned his head from the sunlight, he saw he was alone. His shadow blocked the sun, making the empty spot look darker.

Lex sat up, reaching for his phone to see if the bastard had at least bothered to text. 

There was a heavy red blanket on top of the blue down quilt. The golden Superman logo glittered up at him. He curled up with it, burrowing into the heavy fabric.


End file.
